Ancient Fuckin’

Praise is due to Dr. Kuzban Gunz for discovering this in Starostin’s database.

Despite the many jokes one can make about Starostin’s penchant for quirky etymology, it’s hard to believe it’s a coincidence that the Slavic verb “to fuck” is “jebati” (еба, ебать, їбати, jebać, jebat’, etc.) while in Sanskrit we find “yabhati” with the exact same meaning.

So for all you proponents of a “Modern Indo-European” language, it seems we have found an ancient and respectable verb “to fuck” for you to use in it.

Vulgarity is in fact a very good source of classical language. Almost all Germanic tongues use cognate words for “fuck” “whore” “ass” and “shit”, while English has diverged on such basic vocabulary as “dog” “food” “meat” and “chicken” (for shame!). All Chinese dialects make use of “幹你娘” (“fuck your mother”) using an archaic word for “mother” not generally in use elsewhere in vernacular Chinese (as well as a different word for “fuck” than the glorious one mentioned here).

Any learner of Istanbul Turkic worth his or her salt is familiar with the following Turkic vulgarities: “göt” (Kazakh “көт/köt”), “bok” (Kazakh “боқ/boq”, and you’ll be pleased to hear that “боқ ауыз/boq awız” is “rough spoken”) “sikmek” (Kazakh: сігу/sigw, or for you fans of Uyghur hilarity: “sik qilmaq”) and of course “sıçmak”, which is host a very interesting phonological paradigm which also shows up in the Turkic word for “mouse” (a derivative, as the mouse is the animal best known for shitting, apparently?) as well as several other non-dirty words which are, by virtue of their lack of dirtyness, not interesting:

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Bear witness to the TDK’s annoying and misleading transcriptions!

I was also certain that “am” was “Öztürkçe”, but it turns out it is Mongolic, just like “kuma”. Dirty, dirty Mongols.

UPDATE: I showed this entry to 俊呈 and he alerted me of a third verb “to fuck” in Chinese, in use mostly by Cantonese and Hakka speakers (he said Cantonese but I checked and it shows up in Hakka lexicons). It is “屌”, which is just the noun for “dick”, used as a verb. This reflects the same logic used by many other languages (including the Turkic example above), where penetrative sex is the act of using a penis, which ignores (generally with sexist implications) the other partner.

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